In class, we interviewed our classmates to learn more about them. Then, we started to write short paragraphs about our partners, but we noticed everybody was starting their sentences the same: So-and-so likes this. So-and-so likes that. It wasn’t very interesting to read. So, we interviewed Mrs. Tammaro and worked with a partner to rewrite a boring paragraph about her into something more engaging to read.
THE ORIGINAL PARAGRAPH:
Mrs. Tammaro has three boys. She likes to watch them play sports. She has a dog named Chloe. She likes to take her dog, a pug, for walks. Mrs. Tammaro likes coming in to help out in Miss Mitton’s room. She has stylish jewlry.
OUR REVISED PARAGRAPHS
Meet Mrs. Tammaro (AKA Mrs. Wonderful)
Mrs. Tammaro has three boys who are aspiring young athletes and she is simply thrilled to watch them play sports. This beautiful young woman loves to take the time out of her day to walk their lovely pure bred doggie named Chloe, a sweet obedient pug who is simply a reliable dream.
She often comes to Miss Mitton’s class for the sheer joy of it. She is so good with little people. Mrs. Tammaro is most admired for her incredibly sweet nature and her unbelievably stylish jewelry.
By RF
The one and only Mrs. Tammaro has three awesome boys who she loves to watch play sports, such as…baseball, basketball, and soccer! You often see her walking their pug Chloe. Her favorite part of the day is walking into the wonderful wonder land of Miss Mitton’s 5th grade class. We love her so much because she has a rocking wardrobe!
From your paparazzi,
DP and AM
Mrs. Tammaro has three aspiring young athletes who she’s proud to call her sons. This beautiful, young, sweet woman loves to take the time out of her day to watch their sports games. But she wants to be healthy like her sons, so she takes her pug named Chloe for walks everyday. Then for an awesome job she’ll come to Miss Mitton’s class and adores the kids. Well, for her style she has the best looking jewelry that even matches Miss Mitton’s!
By SF
THE ORIGINAL PARAGRAPH:
Mrs. Tammaro has three boys. She likes to watch them play sports. She has a dog named Chloe. She likes to take her dog, a pug, for walks. Mrs. Tammaro likes coming in to help out in Miss Mitton’s room. She has stylish jewlry.
OUR REVISED PARAGRAPHS
Meet Mrs. Tammaro (AKA Mrs. Wonderful)
Mrs. Tammaro has three boys who are aspiring young athletes and she is simply thrilled to watch them play sports. This beautiful young woman loves to take the time out of her day to walk their lovely pure bred doggie named Chloe, a sweet obedient pug who is simply a reliable dream.
She often comes to Miss Mitton’s class for the sheer joy of it. She is so good with little people. Mrs. Tammaro is most admired for her incredibly sweet nature and her unbelievably stylish jewelry.
By RF
The one and only Mrs. Tammaro has three awesome boys who she loves to watch play sports, such as…baseball, basketball, and soccer! You often see her walking their pug Chloe. Her favorite part of the day is walking into the wonderful wonder land of Miss Mitton’s 5th grade class. We love her so much because she has a rocking wardrobe!
From your paparazzi,
DP and AM
Mrs. Tammaro has three aspiring young athletes who she’s proud to call her sons. This beautiful, young, sweet woman loves to take the time out of her day to watch their sports games. But she wants to be healthy like her sons, so she takes her pug named Chloe for walks everyday. Then for an awesome job she’ll come to Miss Mitton’s class and adores the kids. Well, for her style she has the best looking jewelry that even matches Miss Mitton’s!
By SF
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