Good authors revise their writing. In their revisions, they show the readers what is happening rather than simply telling the reader what is happening. A strong "show, not tell" can make a story sparkle and snag the readers' attention.
Check out some "show, not tell" sentence revisions we made in small groups.
Once again, we love to hear what our audience thinks, so leave your comments by clicking on the link above.
The broken car sat along the side of the road.
*The smoking, smashed car lay in a ditch.
*The broken, rusted car sat in a pile of smoke and glass.
The day was very hot.
*The children noticed heat lines rising off the horizon as they played with their house in the blinding sun.
*The scorching sun made everyone outside melt into a puddle of sweat.
The trip to the amusement park was fun.
*On the way to the amusement park, the kids could feel the excitement buzzing inside them.
*The roaring rollercoasters sped through the thick air as everybody joyfully screamed.
The classroom was a mess.
*The classroom looked like the students learned in a dumpster.
*The messy classroom had papers randomly flung about, and desks were flipped over with their insides pouring out.
The movie was awesome.
*I was on the edge of my seat from the commercials to the credits.
The mall was crowded and busy.
*The mall was so crammed; it felt like 50 people trying to fit into one clown car.
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